


Every Rose Has it's Thorns

by slingby (cannedsouda)



Category: Kuroshitsuji : The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World - Iwasaki/Mori/Mari, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Blood, Characters will be added as they appear - Freeform, Child Abuse, Eric gets the thorns au, M/M, Minor Injuries, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Serious Injuries, Vomiting, more tags will be added as i remember
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-05-20 08:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14890661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cannedsouda/pseuds/slingby
Summary: Eric Slingby, The top reaper for the London dispatch, sometimes inspects cinematic records a little too closely.





	1. Collection gone wrong

The Thorns of Death were a reapers worst nightmare, especially since it was a killer. It was only contracted when a dying soul began to seek vengeance and fight back against the reaper collecting it. Currently, Eric Slingby, one of the best reapers of the London dispatch was stuck trying to fight a soul. He had been taking his time observing the record, trying to be thorough with his investigation, when the soul decided to fight back. He was caught off guard when the soul took a hold of him. There weren’t any other reapers around to free him, having assured Alan he could handle the last collection on his own.

It felt like hours before he finally collided with the rooftop of the building he had been standing on previously. He rolled onto his back and laid there for a long moment, taking the time to recollect his thoughts. Sitting up, he shook his head and stood up to collect his scythe. Finishing the collection, he took a moment to look over himself and make sure there was no physical injuries before he returned to the dispatch.

‘I’m fine. I handled it, just like I said I would.’ He thought as he made his way to his office.

Turning at Alan’s voice calling his name, Eric back tracked down the hall some to meet him. He leaned down some to press a kiss to the others cheek, smiling softly.

“You took a little longer than usual to get back, everything go okay?” Alan asked, head tilted some.   
  
Eric nodded. “Everything went fine, I just took a moment to sit on the roof and look out over London.” He told Alan, who nodded, kissed his cheek, and returned to his own office to do some paperwork.

‘It was only half a lie,’ He thought. ‘I _did_ look out over London, but only after the soul dropped me back to the roof.’ He added.

Taking a seat at his desk, Eric sighed a bit and leaned back in his chair. He ached from the impact with the rooftop and was considering going to get checked out to make sure he wasn’t seriously hurt. Deciding against it, Eric leaned his head back and shut his eyes. He found himself feeling more drained than usual from the collection, but didn’t give it a second thought as he got comfortable and decided to take a nap. No harm in that, right?

He woke with a start when Alan set a hand on his shoulder, sitting up. It took him a moment to remember that he was in his office and _not_ at home on his couch. He sighed some and ran a hand down his face, leaning on his desk.

“Whoa, Eric. Hey, are you okay?” Alan asked, worried.

“Yeah, it’s just been a long day. I guess I fell asleep without realizing it.” He said, glancing at the clock. He’s relieved that he still has time to get his paperwork done before the end of the day.

“No one had seen you come out of your office since you went in this morning and I just wanted to see if you were alright.” Alan said.

“I’m 100% okay.” He told the other, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I don’t have any other collections to make today, so I’m just gonna spend today doing some paperwork.” He added.

“Alright, I’ll drop back in at the end of the day so we can head home.” Alan told him, leaning down enough to give Eric a quick kiss.

Once Alan was gone, Eric sighed and set to work. He needed a distraction from the collection that had been replaying in his head all day. He closed the folder to the paperwork he had when he finished, standing up to hand it in. After handing it in Eric went to the break room to grab himself something to eat, realizing how hungry he was. He sighed some as he stood in front of the breakroom microwave, reading the back of the frozen meal box. He turned when he heard someone come in, waving some to one of the other reapers. He sat down once he deemed his food hot enough to eat, humming as he took a bite. It wasn’t high quality, but it would provide him with enough energy to get through the day. Looking up when Alan joined him he leaned enough to kiss the other, humming some.  
  
“Good day so far?” Eric asked him.

Alan nodded, smiling. “I got paired with Ronald for a collection job while you were working on paperwork.” He said. “He’s so reckless.” He laughed.

“He’s your former room mate.” Eric laughed.

“I didn’t know he was _that_ wreckless.” Alan said.

After talking back and forth about Ronald for awhile with Alan, Eric returned to his office and sat down in his chair. He rocked back and forth in it for a moment before he leaned forward on his desk and tapped his fingers. He still had a bit to go in his work day and just wanted to go home, especially since he still felt exhausted from the collection. Deciding to reorganize all the files in his filing cabinet, Eric stood up and began pulling files out in stacks. He hummed a bit as he began to alphabetize them. Suddenly feeling like he was out of breath, Eric stopped and sat down. He figured he just needed to take a break, especially since he’d been up and running around all day.


	2. Realization

Clenching his fists when the breathless feeling increased, Eric did his best not to make noise so he didn’t draw attention to himself. He did his best to power through it, but that didn’t stop a tear from rolling down his cheek at the sharp pain in his chest. Exhaling sharply when it passed, Eric laid his head on his desk and closed his eyes. He sat up after a moment and stood up slowly, deciding to go wash his face. Beginning to debate if he should go to the infirmary again, the thought was quickly pushed out of his head at Grell’s voice calling his name.    
  
“What’s up?” He asked her, stopping in place. 

“Are you going to the bar with us tonight?” She asked. 

He shook his head, sighing. “Today’s collection was a little exhausting so I just wanna go home and relax.”

She nodded and raised a brow, turning and walking away. Eric sighed and ran his hands down his face, continuing on his way towards the bathroom to wash his face. Looking at himself in the mirror, Eric noted how pale and sick he suddenly looked. Taking his gloves and glasses off and setting them on the edge of the sink, Eric splashed his face and sighed. He wondered if anyone would notice if he dipped out early and went home to sleep. Pushing his glasses back on his face and pulling his gloves back on, Eric went to his office, scribbled a quick note, slid it under Alan’s door and left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spotting the paper when it was slid under his door, Alan stood up and picked it up to read it.  
  
 _‘Really tired so I’m leaving early, I’ll try and have dinner done before you get home. No promises. I love you. - Eric’_

Frowning as he read the note, Alan wondered if something more had happened on Eric’s collection that morning. Alan had been out on his own at just about the same time and had asked Eric if he needed help, but left when the other assured him he could handle it. He pocketed the note and stepped out of his office to head off on his next collection, his thoughts still focused on Eric. Walking through the door after work, Alan was greeted with the smell of chocolate chip pancakes being made. Leaving his shoes by the front door and hanging his jacket up, he made his way to the kitchen and pressed a kiss to Eric’s cheek.

“How was the rest of your day?” Eric asked him, smiling some.

“Entertaining, I watched Ronald get rejected by not one but two different girls in administration.” Alan said, laughing some.

“Ouch.” Eric laughed. “I’m sure he sulked the rest of the day.”

Alan nodded some. “In the middle of the hallway, in the exact spot both girls rejected him. He laid down and sulked like a child.” 

“That’s just Ronald though.” Eric said. “Being one of the younger reapers.”

“He’s not that young though.” Alan said. “He’s right around 21 or 22.”

Eric shrugged some. “Either way, Ronald is Ronald.” He said.

Alan nodded and reached up to grab plates from the cabinet, humming some as he set them on the table. He thought about asking Eric if anything had gone wrong on his collection, but decided against it when Eric placed the stack of pancakes on the table. Digging in, Alan hummed a bit as he ate. It didn’t matter how worried he grew, Eric’s cooking always made him feel better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After dinner, Eric sat with Alan on the couch an open book of poetry in his lap. He was staring off into space, the collection replaying in his head once more. He sighed some and shifted, looking down at the book and beginning to read again. He glanced over to Alan when he looked at him a quizzical look on his face.    
  
“I’m fine, just zoned out is all.” Eric said, pressing a kiss to Alan’s forehead. 

Alan only nodded and returned to the book he’d been reading himself. Noticing Alan had fallen asleep, Eric stretched out, marked his place, and set his book aside as he stood up. He carefully picked the other up and carried him to the bedroom. He placed Alan down on the bed and pressed kisses to his face gently. Managing to coax Alan to change into his pajamas, Eric sat down on his side of the bed and ran a hand down his face. He stood up and began to change, zoning out. He was pulled back to reality by the same feeling of breathlessness from before. He sucked in a breath before the sharp pain in his chest had him collapsing to his hands and knees. He gripped his chest, doing his best to keep from making any noises that would alert and wake Alan up. After the pain dulled and he was able to breath again, Eric sat up and ran a hand through his hair. He stared down at his hands, eyes widening when he saw the scars that had formed on his wrists.

In that moment, Eric realized _h_ _e’d contracted the Thorns of Death._


	3. Bossman finds out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for sexual harassment mention.

Still startled at his discovery, Eric couldn’t bring himself to sleep. How long could he hide the fact he had a reapers worst nightmare from everyone at the office? He knew he couldn’t tell Alan, especially since the other had enough on his plate as it was. He’d been assigned to help out with the newest class of reapers in training. Looking down at the other when Alan placed his head on his chest, Eric wrapped an arm around him and sighed softly. He’d just have to go about hiding the scars. That wouldn’t be a problem especially since he never really went without his jacket at work anyway. Sighing as he slowly dozed off, Eric rolled over, buried his face in Alan’s hair, and went to sleep.

Groaning awake when Alan’s alarm went off, Eric rolled over and sat up sighing. He didn’t usually get up when Alan did, but he wanted to shower and he’d have to take the cornrows out of his hair if he wanted to be sure he felt refreshed and less shitty from the accident the day before. Standing up a bit and groaning when he felt at least two or three joints pop, Eric made his way to the bathroom. He hummed softly as he kissed Alan quickly in passing, stopping to grab fresh clothes to change into once he was out of the shower.

Stepping into the bathroom, Eric sighed a bit and turned so he could see the right side of his head. He began to take the cornrows out of his hair one by one, running a brush through it once he was done. He turned the water on and stepped in once it was warm enough, glancing down at his wrists again and sighing. He wondered if there was any cover up makeup left around his place, he remembered stashing various bottles around the house before Alan moved in to cover the bags under his eyes from nights he couldn’t sleep. After washing his hair thoroughly he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist, using one to dry his hair enough to restyle it. Stepping out into the bedroom after getting dressed, Eric stood in front of the mirror to tie his tie. He was suddenly aware of Alan’s hand making contact with his ass followed by the other laughing and running off.

“Oi!” Eric said, running after him. “Get back here and take your payback like a man!”

“I have to get to the office to greet the new class!” Alan said,laughing and running out the door after gathering all his stuff.

Eric laughed some and back tracked to the bedroom to finish getting ready, humming some as he dug through the drawer of his bedside table for the bottle of cover up he remembered keeping in there. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Eric dabbed a bit on his wrists to cover the scars, humming a bit as he let it dry. Once he was sure it was dry, Eric pulled his jacket on, grabbed his stuff, and left. Stepping into the office, Eric was immediately told he was to assist on an impromptu collection that came into the dispatch unexpectedly. He took a moment to set his stuff in his office and grabbed his scythe, following the group of reapers assigned to the collection out.

“Sure beats paperwork.” Grell said, grinning as she walked out next to him.

“Yeah, but we’ll have to do some once we finish the job.” Eric said, laughing.

Standing on top of a roof a few moments later, every reaper assigned waited patiently for the time to strike. In unison they all jumped down, collecting the various souls of the victims who were unfortunate enough to have been caught in the explosion. Eric sighed as he looked a young girls record, shaking his head. She’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time and he couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. With a final flick of his scythe, the soul was gone in a flash and he moved onto the next victim doing his best to ignore the ache starting in his chest. By some miracle, Eric manages to get through the job without the ache in his chest overwhelming him and exposing his dirty little secret. Returning to the office, Eric makes his way towards the office bathroom to splash his face. Afterwards he reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls the cover up, hides the scars, and returns to business as usual.

Halfway through the work day, Eric spotted his chance to get back at Alan for that morning. He held a finger to his lips to tell the trainees to be silent before he snuck up behind Alan and slapped his ass in return. Alan gave a surprised gasp and blushed when he realized what happened. Anyone who paid enough attention to them knew they’d been locked in an ass slap war for a while. Eric darted down the hallway laughter escaping him as he did so. He was almost out of earshot when he heard Alan yell  _ “Just wait til we get home!” _

Sitting down in his office chair, Eric rubbed at the spot where his chest ached the most. It wasn’t like the two he suffered the day before, it was a lot more mild and easy to handle, but it still hurt. He closed his eyes and laid his head on his desk, wishing it would hurry up and leave. He sat up when it finally went away, standing up and making his way out of his office. He was tired, but knew he had a scheduled collection coming up soon so he figured coffee would be the best way to raise his energy, even if it was just enough to get him through the collection. He sighed a bit as he stepped into the breakroom, happy to find a fresh pot had been made. He wasn’t the only one suffering an energy crash. He pulled down a mug and poured himself some, carrying it back to his office so he could do some paperwork until his next collection. Looking up when William knocked on his door and stepped inside, Eric laid his pen down and sat back.

“What’s up bossman?” Eric asked, crossing his arms and tilting his head.

“I’d like you to remind you that while you are at work, you are to remain as professional as possible.” William said. “One of the reapers in training did come to me with the report of your little display with Mr. Humphries this afternoon.” He added, pushing his glasses up.

“It’s a little fun, it’s no big deal.” Eric said, waving his hand in a dismissive fashion.

“While it may be fun for you two, it can be mistaken for sexual harassment by others who are not aware of what’s going on.” William told him, staring at him.

“Alright, Alright.” Eric said, holding his hands up in defense. He was completely unaware of the fact that no cover up was hiding the scars on his wrists.

“What,” William said, turning his eyes to the scars on Eric’s wrists. “Are those?” He asked.

Eric glanced to his wrists and pulled his sleeves down. “It’s nothing.” He said.

“Mr. Slingby, you and I both know very well what those are.” William told him in a matter of fact tone. “You have one week to get the official diagnosis from the medical wing, or you  _ will _ face suspension.” He added before turning and walking out.

Eric sighed and ran a hand through his hair, William finding out about the Thorns was  _ not  _ on his agenda for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'ass slap war' is the funniest thing i've typed. ever.


	4. Proof of Diagnosis

A few days after William found out his dirty little secret, Eric sighed a bit as he sat down at his desk. He was having a rough day at work and it was wearing on him a little more than usual. He rubbed his eyes and sighed, standing back up to avoid falling asleep in his chair. He walked to the break room and grabbed some coffee, swearing when he dropped one of the mugs while reaching for it. He knelt down and started to clean it up, hissing when he cut his hand on a piece of glass. 

“Of course.” He said. “Of fucking course that’s how today’s gonna bloody go.” He added, his scottish accent getting thicker the more irritated he got.

He washed his hand the best he could before he wrapped it in one of the spare dish towels and made his way to the medical wing. As he walked William’s words popped into his head about getting an official diagnosis. He sighed and waved to the medical reaper on duty, taking a seat.

“You’re not in often, Mr. Slingby.” Came the voice of Amelia, one of the reapers that served as a nurse.

“Well, today is apparently not my day.” He said, lifting his hand wrapped in the towel to show her.

“Well I can get that fixed up in no time.” She told him, a smile on her face.

Eric nodded some, carefully unwrapping his hand for her to see.

“Nothing more than a few stitches.” She assured him, pulling out the med kit.

He nodded some and held his hand still as she began to fix it. He looked vaguely annoyed when William’s voice rang in his head again, but knew he needed to do it because there was no way that he’d be able to explain his suspension to Alan without letting the other know he was slowly dying.

“Amelia, do you know if one of the doctors are in?” He asked.

She hummed for a moment and took a moment to look behind her at all the offices to the reapers who served as doctors rather than nurses, like her.

“Dr. Webb might be in, but I haven’t seen him since he walked into his office this morning.” She told him. “If he’s not then I know Dr. Nichols is.” She added. “Why?”

“William is worried about my health lately. Something about looking more fatigued than usual.” He told her.

“You don’t look it.” She said, finishing up the stitching on Eric’s hand and bandaging it.

“Better to be safe than sorry.” He said, shrugging and standing. 

He made his way to Dr. Webb’s office and knocked on the door, sighing softly as he waited. He stepped inside when the older reaper opened the door and let him inside.

“Eric, what brings you around?” He asked. “You haven’t been in the medical bay in a while.” He added.

“My boss is worried about my health.” Eric told him. “Something about being more fatigued than usual.” He added, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Does he have a reason to think that?” Dr. Webb asked, raising a brow.

Eric sighed and removed the cover up that was hiding the scars on his wrists. Dr. Webb sat back in shock at the sight. Eric suddenly wanted to walk out and act like this meeting never happened, take the suspension, and come up with clever lies to tell Alan.

“My god, Eric you’ve got the Thorns of Death.” He said, standing up and gently taking Eric’s wrist to inspect the scars. From their origin point, they’d expanded just about two or three centimeters.

“Can I get that in paper form to hand to him to prove I got myself checked out?” Eric asked.

After getting the papers saying he got himself checked out, Eric knocked on William’s door to his office and shifted his weight as he waited for an answer. When he heard the other reaper’s voice call ‘You may enter.’ he stepped inside and set the paper on the desk.

“There’s your proof I got checked out.” Eric told him, setting his good hand on his hip. “Just because this is effecting me doesn’t mean I’m gonna need a partner on my collections now.” He added. “I’m still in perfect health and can do things myself.” He finished, turning and walking out.

William sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew how stubborn Eric was and that he wouldn’t budge on his words, but he couldn’t help but be worried for the other. He knew Eric tended to fall under a lot of stress, especially since he was the top reaper in the dispatch under William himself. Hell, William was sure Eric could get a position in management if he applied. He sighed a bit and pulled out Eric’s personnel file, sliding the paperwork on Eric’s check up into it and placing it back into his filing cabinet before he made the note to try and convince Eric to apply for a position in management.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Deciding to hang out in Alan’s office, Eric knocked on the door before he entered walking over and sitting on the edge of the others desk. He leaned down and claimed a quick kiss from the other, a smile on his face.

“What brings you around, handsome?” Alan asked, leaning back in his seat.

“I was out and about in the office building after getting checked out by Dr. Webb.” Eric told him.

“You haven’t seen Dr. Webb since you were my mentor, when you messed up your back on that collection I had to finish up.” Alan said. “Is your back bothering you again?” He asked.

Eric shook his head, crossing his arms. “Nah, William mentioned something about looking more fatigued than usual. So he wanted me to get checked out. Make sure I’m not sick or anything.” He added. “I ended up down there today anyway since I busted one of the mugs in the break room and hurt my hand.” He sighed, showing Alan his bandaged hand.

“You have to be careful, Eric.” Alan said, standing up after a moment. “I have to go tend to this soul retrieval, but I’ll see you later.” He added, grabbing his scythe.

Eric nodded and stood up, following Alan out of his office. “I’ve got one right before the work days over so I’ll probably be stuck in my office for a bit.” He said, sighing.

Alan nodded, pressed a kiss to Eric’s cheek, and left. Eric felt bad for lying to Alan about his diagnosis, but he knew it was necessary. He hoped he could work up the courage to tell him soon, but for now lies would have to do.


	5. Don't tell him!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for gore, violence, & emeto

Rubbing the bandaging over his stitches as he entered his office, Eric sighed and sat down at his desk to try and begin his paperwork. He had a bit before he was due to retrieve the soul, so he figured it was the best way to pass time. He reached up and rubbed at his chest some when the ache he was quickly growing familiar with started. He was determined to ignore it and get his paperwork done so all he had to do was do his scheduled collection, turn it in, and leave.

When the pain dulled out and allowed him to focus, Eric sat a hand on his head and continued to work. He pushed away from his desk when he finished, glancing up at the clock. He stood up and grabbed his scythe deciding to observe the person who’s soul he’d be collecting in just under an hour. Crouching a rooftop when he reached London, Eric used his scythe for a small amount of support since years of retrieving had messed his knees and back up. He looked over when the flash of white shoes landed on the rooftop.

“Out messing around again, Ronald?” Eric asked.

“Nah, I’m out on a collection.” He said, leaning on the handle of his scythe.

Eric was always amused that Ronald chose a mower for a scythe, but knew the younger reaper could handle it with ease.

“Which collection?” Eric asked, standing up straight and propping his scythe on his shoulder. “Because I have one at 4:45.”

“No kidding.” Ronald said. “I’ve got that one too. It’s not one that requires a partner, but I guess it’s a double murder.” He added, arms crossed.

Eric looked briefly unamused, wondering if William sent Ronald out to make sure he didn’t get himself hurt or have an attack during the collection, quickly changing his expression and shifting his weight. He twirled his scythe and turned to look over London, taking in a deep breath. Sometimes Eric thought back to being a reaper like Ronald, bright eyed and wild. As the years passed and Eric saw more and more death, he began to regret taking his own life. Snapping out of it when he heard Ronald jump to the ground, Eric followed and made his way to the collection site.

The sight he and Ronald were greeted with was something out of a movie, the sight almost made Eric throw up. Blood covered the walls and the bodies were so mutilated that Eric could mistake them for raw meat. He gagged a bit at the sight and smell, covering his nose for a moment as he regained his composure.

“I will never understand the human mind.” Ronald sighed. “Like, I get we were human once, but even then I never understood it.”

“I don’t think anyone will ever understand the human mind, Ron.” Eric said, sighing some.

“Damn shame too, because I’d like to know what’s crossing people’s minds when they’re killing someone.”

“Most likely how exciting the thrill of the kill is.” Ronald said, shrugging as they collected the respective souls they were assigned to.

“You think that’s what rogue reapers think when they kill for fun?” Eric asked, humming as he reviewed the cinematic record in front of him.

“No one really knows but them.” Ronald said, as the soul he collected disappeared in a flash and he stamped it as completed.

“That’s true.” Eric said, doing the same with the soul he was assigned. “I’d hate to think what makes them go so crazy they just...snap.” He added, propping his scythe on his shoulder and letting out a breath.

“Let’s get out of here.” Ronald said, shivering some. “This place is giving me the creeps.” He added, heading for the door.

Following Ronald out, Eric jumped back up to the rooftop and stretched out. Once they were back at the dispatch, he returned to his office and leaned his scythe against the wall. He sat down in his chair and closed his eyes as he leaned back. He opened them again when Ronald knocked and entered his office, looking sheepish.

“I know we just finished a collection not 10 minutes ago, but the reaper I’m supposed to go out with got injured on another collection and I was wondering if you’d help me?” He asked. “I asked Alan but he just glared at me until I left.”

“No sense in making you do this alone.” Eric said, standing up. “Oh yeah, when he’s doing paperwork. Alan is like… in his own world until he finishes. Anyone who dares to enter will get a death glare until they exit.” He added. “I know from experience about how ruthless he can be.” He told Ronald, twirling his scythe before he walked to the door. “I swear, he glares any harder than he already does he might actually kill with a look.” Eric said, laughing.

“I fear for the reaper in training that becomes his first victim.” Ronald laughed as they left the dispatch.

“Or just the reaper in general.” Eric laughed, crouching down on the roof top once they jumped up.

When the collection took a turn for the worse and they had to put up a bit of a fight, Eric felt the familiar stab of pain start in his chest. He did his best to ignore it, slashing at the cinematic record and making the soul disappear in small fragments, only to have the pain increase and turn into what felt like someone stab him with a red hot knife over and over. He collected the last of the soul and dropped his scythe, gripping his chest. Feeling like someone sucker punched him and knocked the air from his lungs, Eric dropped to his hands and knees and began to cough in an attempt to ease the pain. He hardly registered the teeth of his scythe digging into and making his hand bleed, desperate to make the pain in his chest stop. 

Watching the other collapse, Ronald backed up a few steps afraid. It wasn’t until Eric gripped his chest that Ronald realized what was going on. He helped the other up, collecting his scythe and getting them back to the dispatch as fast as he could. He helped the other into the medical wing where Amelia, who had previously tended to Eric, helped Ronald get him into one of the medbays just as Eric vomited. Onto Ronald’s shoes.

“Oh fuck sake.” Eric groaned. “Sorry, Ron.” He added, knowing Ronald was trying not to freak out.

“No big deal man, things happen.” The other said, carefully slipping out of his shoes and carefully carrying them to the closest sink to clean them up. “Should I go get Alan?” He asked.

“No!” Eric said. “Let me tell him about this on my own time. I don’t need him finding out about this right now. His plate is full and this might over do it.”

Ronald only nodded, a frown on his face. He wondered if Eric would really come clean.


	6. Days off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes sorry, writers block is a bitch.

Resting in the medical wing after getting his hand attended too as well as his attack, Eric sighed as he stared at the ceiling. He knew he should tell Alan, but he couldn’t bring himself to do just that. He lifted his arms and stared at the scars that had grown some more. Since the attack had been so rough and draining, they’d spread a little further than usual. He sighed and dropped his arms to the bed, pulling his glasses off and setting them on the small table next to the bed he was resting in. He closed his eyes and relaxed, wondering if maybe a little bit of rest would help him feel better.

Groaning awake sometime later, Eric sat up slowly and ran a hand down his face. He sighed and slid his glasses onto his face as he stood up. He wobbled on his feet a bit, realizing he was still a little more drained than usual. Steadying himself, Eric headed back into the main building and stretched out as he slipped into his office. Spotting the paper on his desk, Eric frowned and picked it up.

‘FROM THE DESK OF WILLIAM T. SPEARS.

Mr. Slingby, Mr. Knox told me about what happened during the collection. I _highly_ suggest you take a few days off after that. I don't want to see one of the top reapers in the dispatch lose his life because he refuses to take downtime. Let me know your decision by the end of the week.’

Eric sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew there was no sense in arguing with William. He’d known the other reaper a while and he knew how stubborn William was when his mind was made up on a matter. So at this point it was either take time off or have William send him knowing glances every time their paths crossed. He wondered if the glances from William were worth acting like nothing was wrong. If he did take time off he’d have to find excuses for why he was staying home all day for the next few days. He knew that’d be kind of difficult, but he knew he could manage.

Leaving his office to go find William, Eric sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. His situation sucked. Not only was he hiding he had the worst illness a reaper could get, but he was hiding it from nearly everyone in the office. Including the one person he loved the most. He ran a hand down his face and knocked on William’s door, earning the same mono toned ‘enter’ he always got. He closed the door behind him and turned to William.

“If I take time off, what am I supposed to tell Alan?” Eric asked.

“The only thing you can, the truth.” William said, not looking up from the paperwork he was reading over.

“No, absolutely not.” Eric said, crossing his arms.

“Eric,” William said, finally looking up. “Be serious here, he will find out whether you like it or not.” He added, folding his hands and laying them down on the desk.

Hearing William use just his first name threw Eric off, he only ever heard William use ‘Slingby’, ‘Mr. Slingby’, or ‘Eric Slingby’

“I refuse to let him find out.” Eric said. “Not when he’s swamped with work.” He added, clenching his fists.

“He will find out, Eric.” William said. “Either you tell him, or I will be suspending you from your duties to force you to tell him.” He added, looking at Eric.

Eric clenched his jaw, staring William down. The other reaper’s eyes were locked on him as well.

“Well?” William asked. “Will you be taking time off or not?” He asked.

“I have to at this point, everyone is breathing down my neck and treating me like a child. I’m fine, I don’t understand why everyone thinks I’m not!” Eric said.

“What you need to understand, is that you are slowly dying. You are not fine.” He said, pushing up his glasses. “If I see you at work before this day next week, I will be putting in an order for your suspension.” William added, standing up and collecting the file on his desk. “Do not force my hand, Eric.”

Eric threw his hands up and walked out of William’s office, frustrated. Returning to his own office, he gathered his stuff and walked out. He gave William an irritated glare as he passed him, making his way home. Once he was home he dropped his stuff by the front door, not caring it was going to be in Alan’s way when he got off work. He was too irritated to really care about it at that moment. He made his way out to the balcony after loosening his tie and grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge. Alan didn’t mind he kept them in there, but made sure to remind the other to drink in moderation, rather than excessively.

He leaned on the railing and sighed as he took a drink, allowing himself to zone out. He swirled the bottle as he looked down to the ground below. Everything seemed to be smaller in Eric’s dissociative state. He didn’t get this way unless something bothered him, given his current condition and his inability to work up the courage to talk to Alan about what was going on, Eric was going to be in and out of a dissociative state for a while. He stepped back and sat himself in one of the lounge chairs, leaning back as he did so, keeping his feet to either side of the part available to stretch his legs out on. It wasn’t until he heard Alan swear from tripping over his bag that Eric snapped out of his daze. Shit, he’d forgotten he’d just dropped his stuff.

“Eric?” Alan asked, putting everything up in their proper places.

“Outside.” Eric called, tossing the bottle into the trash can they kept on the balcony.

“What’re you doing home?” Alan asked, stepping out.

Eric wondered if he should tell the truth and get it over with, or just come up with a lie. Before he could make the logical decision to tell the truth, his mouth moved on it’s own.

“I had a collection go bad today, ended up falling off a roof. William wants me to spend a week at home rather than making any possible injuries worse.”

Eric wanted to kick himself, he had the opportunity to tell the truth and he’d wasted it on a stupid lie.

Alan only hummed in response and moved to sit in the space that Eric had left open when he’d sat down a few hours earlier, leaning back. Eric slowly wrapped his arms around Alan and buried his face in the others hair. Alan knew something was bothering the other, but knew better than to pry. Eric would tell him on his own time, it was something Alan was used to. He knew to be patient with the man who had a habit of bottling everything up so much that it all came out when he self destructed and ended up drinking so much he slept a whole weekend.

“I love you Alan, no matter what.” Eric said., squeezing the other tightly.

Alan was curious about the wording, but didn’t pry for anymore information. “I love you too, Eric. No matter what.”


	7. Vacation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one ran a little long, whoops.   
> tw for injuries, blood, & smoking

His first day on his week long vacation was miserable, he stared at the ceiling from where he lie on the bed. The extra sleep had been really nice, but he really hated feeling restless and like there was nothing to do. The apartment he shared with Alan was practically spotless so he couldn’t busy himself with mind numbing cleaning and all their laundry had been done the night before so he couldn’t wash laundry. He sighed and sat up, running a hand down his face. Finding nothing better to do, Eric flopped back into his pillow and closed his eyes. Maybe he could get more sleep.

Rather than actually get more sleep, Eric just lay in silence with his eyes closed. He became hyper aware of the sounds around him and if he was honest it was creeping him out. Sighing and opening his eyes, he sat up and got out of bed. It was times like this that he wished he hadn’t quit smoking. That would have given him something to do, but as soon as the thought crossed his mind he suddenly remembered that smoking would most likely kick the Thorns into overdrive and he did  _ not  _ want a repeat of yesterday.

Sighing as he made his way to the living room, Eric stopped in the doorway staring at the clean room. He could still picture the floor being scattered with various bottles of alcohol and cigarette butts. He glanced to the couch where he saw an older version of himself laying on it, still in his work uniform because he’d been to drunk to care about changing out of it. He winced as he remembered that period of his life. Hopping from one night stand to one night stand, trying to find the one thing that would fill what was missing his from his life -- romance. Looking back on it now, it was an awful thing to do. Use someone and then never talk to them again, but most of the people he hooked up with were looking for the same thing he was -- a quick fuck.

He glanced to the balcony, where he pictured himself again. It wasn’t the same version of himself he saw on the couch, it was himself just after finishing his reaper training, just before he turned into the version of himself he saw on the couch. The version of himself who’d just been rejected by the guy in his class that he’d been crushing on, the version of himself that wondered if maybe feeling the way he did about guys was wrong and if being a reaper was worth the pay off in the end. He watched the silhouette of himself raise the first bottle of liquor he’d ever consumed in his life to his lips and knock half the bottle back. He saw the pain on the silhouettes face, the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. The memory was enough to make Eric actually tear up, remembering how miserable he felt in that moment. He watched the silhouette finish the bottle, pull it back, and throw it over the railing. He could still hear it shattering on the ground and the heart wrenching scream he’d let out before he collapsed and cried himself to sleep on his balcony that night.

Tearing his eyes off the balcony and repressing the memory that he’d just seen replay, he stared at the front entrance. He saw himself once more, glancing around the place as he began to move in. Freshly classified as one of the top reapers in the dispatch, given access to one of the three biggest apartments in the complex. He stepped back as the silhouette of himself walked into the living room and looked around, nodding some before he disappeared back out door to grab the few boxes of personal items that he’d accumulated over the years of being a reaper. He laughed after a moment, remembering and watching the time he’d stumbled in drunk and fallen. He hadn’t given enough of a fuck to really care enough to get up and go to his bedroom. He’d just crawled forward enough to shut his door and laid his head back down on the tile floor. God, how fucked up had he really been?

He moved to the kitchen on auto pilot, opening the fridge. He reels back for a moment when he sees the old version of his fridge when all he kept stocked was beer and expired food. He shakes his head and pulls out stuff to make food with, hands shaking as he began to fix himself food. He hisses when he cuts his finger, growing frustrated and throwing anything that had blood on it in the trash. He does his best to bandage it with the use of only nine fingers, sighing as he pulls on a t shirt long enough to take out the trash to avoid the smell of rotting food later on when he does eventually forget and Alan has to take care of it.

He hates William in this moment, he was forcing him to take a week’s vacation and Eric didn’t even wanna be home. Especially alone, being home alone meant that any repressed memories could just resurface at any moment and the thought of relapsing was one that was tempting. He throws the bag into the dumpster, groaning in frustration when broken glass (which he’d forgotten about) that was poking through the bag cuts his arm. He runs back up to his apartment and washes his arm, doing his best to bandage it.

_ ‘Christ, Slingby. Get your shit together.’  _ He thinks, making sure the bandaging is going to stay in place before he cleans up anything he’d been cutting and stores it away figuring it could be used later for the dinner Alan was surely planning at work right now.

He reaches into the freezer and settles on a frozen meal, rubbing his eyes as he waits for it to finish cooking. A nap sounded amazing, but he figured eating first was best. He sighed as he ate the meal, making a face when he discovered it was still kind of cold. Not caring enough to finish heating it up, Eric sighed and choked the rest of it down and cleaned up after himself. He made his way to the bedroom and opened his bedside table drawer, he picked up the package of smokes he kept hidden from Alan and carried them out to the balcony. He pulled the lighter from the pack and sat in the lounge chair, positioning himself the same way he’d done the day before. He set the smokes down in the empty spot meant for his legs as he flicked the lighter on and off a few times before he picked up the pack and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up. The taste was off putting at first, but it was familiar and allowed Eric to relax.

He kneeled down by the potted plant on the balcony, picking up the watering can and watering it before he pulled a few dead leaves off it. He paused long enough to exhale smoke and flick the ash off the balcony before placing the watering can down and standing up. He knew Alan would kill him if he brought the smell of smoke inside, so he finished up, put the cigarette out, and went back inside. He spritzed himself with his cologne a few times before he slid the smokes back into their hiding place in his bedside table, closing the drawer and allowing regret to set in. He was familiar to this feeling, the feeling of depression setting in. He knew it could be solved by sitting down and talking with Alan, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He sighed and moved to the living room, making himself comfortable on the couch. It wasn’t long before Eric fell asleep.

The rest of the week flew by, considering Eric had basically numbed his emotions and dissociated through it all. He sighed and flopped into his office chair, getting started on any paperwork that had been left in the small organizer that was placed outside his office door. Though as fate would have it, his ADHD kicked in and he focused on anything but the paperwork. He let his head hit his desk with a soft ‘thud’ and sighed, remaining there for a few moments. He groaned softly when he heard a knock on his door and gave a muffled sound that sounded close enough to ‘enter’ to him.

“All hands on deck.” Grell said.

Eric sat up right at the words that basically meant ‘All trained reapers need to drop what they’re doing and reap souls’. He grabbed his scythe from the case behind his desk and walked out.

“What’s happened?” Eric asked, following the large group out.

“A building caught on fire, they want all hands on deck just in case there are a lot of souls.” Alan said, stepping out of his own office.

Eric raised both brows as everyone spread out on the rooftops around London, watching and waiting. Sure enough, when a large number of souls appeared on everyone's to die list the whole dispatch jumped into action. Eric dreaded the conditions he was stepping into because it could turn out  _ really  _ badly or just fine. He just hoped everything was going to be just fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might have projected onto Eric a little bit, whoops.


	8. Accident on the job

Everything about the collection was going just fine. Until the building started to collapse and everyone was scrambling to get out before the building fell completely. Shoving Alan out the door as the building gave in, Eric cried out when he ended up stuck under some of the rubble. He did his best to shove pieces off him, but some of the heavier ones wouldn’t move. Now that he was on the same level as some of the heavier smoke, Eric coughed and did his best to cover his nose and mouth not wanting to suffer an attack and expose himself to the whole dispatch. He gripped to whatever he could find to try and pull himself free. When he couldn’t, he buried his face into the sleeve of his jacket waiting for the rescue department to show up and help him out. 

He had been laying there for what felt like forever before he felt the weight of rubble being lifted off his legs. He looked up and allowed himself to be helped up and basically carried out by the reapers who’d been dispatched from the rescue department. He allowed himself to be handed off to and supported by Alan and Grell, clinging to both of them on instinct. He ached from the waist down and wasn’t sure if he was gonna be able to walk himself. He coughed some, turning his head to avoid coughing in Alan or Grell’s face. Unable to stop himself from coughing when the ache started in his chest, Eric let go of Alan to cover his mouth to try and make it look natural.

Managing to force himself to ignore the ache that was still in his chest, Eric watched to see if any other reapers were brought out. He looked around on the rooftop at all the other reapers, who were hugging each other in fear and anticipation. Eric went wide eyed after a moment.

“Where’s Ronald?” He asked.

He didn’t even give the others time to respond before his adrenaline kicked in and he was running back into the building.

“Eric!” Alan yelled, attempting to run after him only to be held back by Grell.

Eric pulled back some of the rubble when he heard a voice, doing his best to clear it to free Ronald. He offered his hand to the other, helping the other up. Eric helped Ronald out, handing him off to Grell just as he collapsed. He coughed again, his chest aching worse. Everything around him began to fade in and out and he completely collapsed, going unconscious. Groaning as he woke up, Eric raised a hand to run it down his face blinking when he saw it was wrapped in bandages. He sat up some to see he’d been stripped of his work uniform and was laying in pair of sweats.

He looked over where Alan and Grell were sitting talking, Alan looked upset and Eric had a sinking feeling he knew why. He made to stand up, but decided against it when his hips protested in pain. He looked over to where Ronald was sitting up, flirting with the nurse taking care of him.  _ ‘Leave it to Ronald to be himself even while in pain’ _ Eric thought, slightly amused. He looked over when Alan stood up and made his way over. Everyone in the medical wing froze when a loud  **SLAP** resonated through it. Eric blinked a bit, trying to process what just happened.

“You lied to me, Eric. You hid things from me, you promised me you’d be honest with me!” Alan said, fists clenched. “How long were you gonna hide the fact you had the Thorns from me? Hm?” He asked. 

“I wanted to tell you, I did. But--” Eric wasn’t given a change to finish.

“But what?” Alan asked. “But you were too much of a coward!” He yelled.

“Alan you had so much going on, I didn’t want to--”

“I can handle extra information, Eric! I’m not the same reaper I was when you were my mentor!” Alan yelled. 

“I know that!” Eric yelled. 

“Clearly you don’t!” Alan said. “You hid the fact that you got the deadliest disease to our kind from me for two weeks!”

Eric sat in silent anger, doing his best to keep from losing his cool with Alan.

“I’ve been trying to tell you, but I was scared Alan.” He admitted. “Scared because I know that at the end of it all, I’m leaving you behind and you’ve got to grieve and wonder where you went wrong and wish you could be in my place instead.” He added, setting his head in his hands. “So don’t you dare stand there and tell me I don’t know that you’re not the same reaper.” He said, laying back down when his back began to ache.

Alan stared at Eric for a moment as the other turned his back to him and felt guilty. He didn’t even consider the possibility that Eric was trapped in his own head struggling on how to come clean. He glanced down to his feet for a moment before he stepped back and sat down in the chair next to Eric’s bed.

“Eric you should come clean with the whole department.” Grell said. “So someone could be there to support you in case--”

“I didn’t want to tell anyone for that reason.” Eric said. “I don’t want to be babied.” He added. “Can I just take a nap now, please?” He asked.

Grell and Alan both stood up and left to leave Eric in peace, sighing as they stepped out. While Grell ran off to bother William, Alan sat down outside the room. He ran a hand down his face and sighed some. Sometimes he wished Eric wasn’t so stubborn.


	9. Eric's Request

Two days after his accident, Eric was released from the medical wing but was instructed to stay home to finish healing completely. He leaned on the counter in the kitchen as he cleaned up. Things with Alan were still pretty tense and he hated it. He used the edge of the sink as leverage to help him stand up straight. His lower half felt like it was on fire and it made him want to cry. He made his way back to the bedroom to lay down to try and get some pain relief, relaxing as best as he could. It was late afternoon and Eric had nothing to do since he’d done all the cleaning in an effort to ease the tension between him and Alan.

Deciding to nap Eric sighed and rolled over, curled up, and slowly dozed off. He’d gotten used to sleeping without Alan in such a short period of time that it was basically muscle memory at that point. He stirred when he heard footsteps in the hallway, looking over his shoulder at Alan. Neither male said a thing, both unsure of what to say. Sighing, Eric just laid back down and got comfortable.

“Eric, you can’t just depression nap this issue away.” Alan told him, still standing in the doorway.

“I dunno, depression naps worked wonders when I was numbing my emotions.” Eric countered, not bothering to look at him.

“Eric, why don’t you understand the gravity of this situation?!” Alan asked.

Eric sat up whipping the closest thing to him, the glass that had previously held water, towards the doorway making Alan duck. He laid back down when he heard it hit the wall and shatter behind Alan. He made a noise in surprise when Alan rolled him onto his back and pinned his hands under his knees and got down in his face.

“You listen to me, Eric Slingby. I will  _ not  _ stand there and take your unhealthy coping mechanisms. I’m not the same reaper I was when you were my mentor. I know what I’m about and I will not let you destroy that because you can’t cope with the fact that you’re becoming a shitty person.” Alan spat. “If you so much as throw another object at me, I  _ WILL  _ walk out and I  **WON’T** be returning.” He added, standing up and leaving the room.

Eric remained where he was for a long moment before he rolled over and curled up. He wasn’t sure how to cope with how he was feeling and he hated that he’d even tried to hurt Alan. He sat up slowly, despite his back and hips protesting to that. He looked over his shoulder to where Alan was cleaning the mess, standing up and making his way over to help. He knelt down slowly, silent as he helped Alan cleaned up. Rather than the tension easing between them, he’d made it worse and wanted nothing more than to disappear at that point.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” Alan asked, dropping bigger glass shards into the trashcan next to him.

“I made the mess, I need to clean it.” Eric said, cleaning the glass up carefully. “You shouldn’t be forced to clean up after me because I can’t cope with people breathing down my neck about issues that I’m ignoring.” He added, standing and grabbing the broom to sweep the rest of the glass up.

“Eric, please don’t over work yourself.” Alan said, standing up.

“I’ll be okay.” Eric said, despite how much his hips felt like they were on fire.

Alan sighed and let Eric finish up, things felt less tense but they both knew it was going to be a while before things actually settled down and returned to normal. Putting things away when Eric finished, Alan sighed and peeked into the kitchen where Eric had started cooking dinner. Alan knew by how much he was leaning on the counter that he felt like he was on fire from his lower back down and refused to acknowledge it.

“Eric, please. Let me do the cooking.” Alan said, setting a hand on Eric’s shoulder.

“You’ve done enough for me over the past few days.” Eric said, setting the spices he’d pulled from the cabinet down.

“Eric, you’re only going to make you recovery time longer if you keep irritating your injuries.” Alan said. “You heard the doctor, if you’re up for extended periods, you could get yourself demoted to administration or even have to stop collecting all together.”

“Well that would just be less worry on you, now wouldn’t it?” Eric asked.

“Eric, stop lashing out at me because you’re pissed off.” Alan said. “I mean it, I’m not gonna sit and take it.” He added.

“No one seems to realize that I do understand what’s going to happen to me, okay?! I get it, I’m gonna die. I’m going to slowly die and I can’t reverse it. I get that, I get that I’m hurting people without even meaning to and I can’t handle that!” Eric said. “I get it, okay? Stop reminding me.” He added, turning back to the pan on the counter and adding the spices he’d grabbed before covering it up and putting it in the oven.

Alan watched as a tear fell to the counter, Eric leaning against it more heavily than before. Alan knew he was most likely about to collapse so he moved a chair closer to Eric. He didn’t say anything as he gently pushed Eric into it and washed his hands. He picked up where Eric left off, glancing over at the other for a moment. He couldn’t help the sympathetic look that crossed his face when he saw Eric had his head in his hands. Alan didn’t really know all of Eric’s backstory, but he knew enough to know that Eric struggled with emotional control and healthy coping mechanisms. He turned back to what he was doing, trying to find something to say. He was startled out of his thoughts by the words that came out of Eric’s mouth.

“Alan, don’t let the thorns take me. When it comes time, please...I want you to kill me.” 


	10. Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i suck at chapter titles, the name on this may change.

“Eric, you can’t be serious!” Alan said, panic rising to his chest. “I can’t do that!” He added. 

“Why not? It’s better than suffering.” Eric said, rubbing his eyes.

“Because I can’t kill the man I thought I’d be spending forever with!” Alan yelled, hands on his head as tears began to fall. “I can’t do it, I can’t.” He sobbed. “Find someone else.”

Eric clenched his fists, angry and unsure about what to do. He unclenched them after a moment, knowing directing his anger at Alan wasn’t going to be his smartest choice. He stood up and made his way out of the kitchen. It was silent for a moment before the sound of glass shattering sounded. Alan jumped and turned the oven off when he heard the timer he’d seen Eric set before he trekked towards the bedroom. He frowned when he saw Eric had put his fist through the bedroom window and stood there, letting blood hit the carpet.

“Eric, please. You can’t let your emotions keep getting the best of you.” Alan said, guiding him to the bathroom to clean the wound. “It’s not healthy and I hate seeing you like this.” He added, making him sit on the edge of their tub.

Eric didn’t say anything as he watched Alan clean up his hand and arm, wrapping it the best he could with what they had. He knew it was a trip to the dispatches medwing to get it treated, since it stayed open 24 hours with doctors and nurses on rotation. Once there, Eric listened as the doctors scolded him for acting recklessly. He didn’t even seem to care when tears started dropping off his chin and onto his shirt.

“I’m gonna die anyway, so why should I be careful?” He asked, the words making Alan look up from where he’d been messing with his hands.

“Because the less you’re careful, the more you aggravate the Thorns, and the sooner I lose you.” Alan said, setting his hands on Eric’s face and forcing him to look at him. “Please don’t let your depression win, Eric.” Alan added, tears on his own face. “Please, I can’t lose you to this.” He sobbed.

Eric reached up and set his hands on Alan’s face, pulling him down enough to press their foreheads together. Eric didn’t speak, listening to Alan whisper to reassure him he’d be okay. Eric let out an audible sob after a few moments, reaching up and wrapping his arms around Alan in a hug.

“I don’t want to die, Alan.” He admitted. “I’m so scared about what’s going to happen that I let my depression eat at me and it makes me do things I wouldn’t normally do.” He added.

“Listen to me, I will do everything in my power to make sure you live life to the fullest.” Alan told him. “You deserve that at least.” He added, pulling back enough to run his hands through Eric’s hair.

Eric said nothing else after that and relaxed into Alan’s embrace, it didn’t take long before he completely calmed down and was ready to go home. Once they were home, Alan let Eric make his way back to the bedroom to sleep. He stored everything they’d prepared for dinner in their fridge and made sure the oven was completely off before he turned the lights off in the kitchen.

“Eric, hey, before you go to sleep, let’s take a bath. I’ll wash your hair for you.” He said.

Eric sighed and heaved himself up off the bed and into the bathroom. After stripping he stood still long enough for Alan to wrap plastic wrap around his bandages to keep them dry. He sat down in the water and Alan took the cornrows out of his hair before he sunk down in the water with Eric. They sat and talked a few moments before Alan washed Eric’s hair for him, humming.

Once they were both clean, they climbed out, dried off, and got dressed. Alan picked up a brush and rubber bands, standing on Eric’s right side and redoing his hair for him. Eric carefully took the plastic wrap off his bandages and discarded it, making a small noise in pain when Alan brushed a tangle out of his hair. He closed his eyes when Alan kissed his forehead in an effort to apologize, slowly relaxing as the other worked his fingers through his hair. He yawned some as he dozed off where he sat, the feeling of Alan braiding his hair making him sleepy.

“There we go, secure and smooth.” Alan said, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Eric stood up at those words and pressed a kiss to Alan’s cheek in return making his way back to the bed and getting comfortable. He pulled Alan close when the other laid down on the bed, wrapping his arms around him. They laid together in silence for a long moment before they both began to cry when the reality of the situation weighed down on them. Before they knew it, both Eric and Alan had cried themselves to sleep, doing their best to ignore the situation at hand.


	11. Eric's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read at your own risk, this deals with heavy stuff.

It took a while before Eric and Alan returned to normal, but things finally settled down and Eric slowly learned to cope with the situation at hand better. After the accident with the building collapse, Eric had suffered permanent damage to his right knee that wasn’t discovered until Eric had gone out on a collection and stepped wrong. Now he was sentenced to wear a brace while working and putting ice on it when the pain flared to a point he couldn’t handle. Currently off duty and relaxing on the couch, Eric rubbed his knee a bit and sighed as he shifted the ice pack. 

“Need more ice?” Alan asked, looking at him.

“Mm, maybe.” He said. “Not sure.” He added, frowning.

“Let me go get more just in case.” Alan told him.

“Pain’s down, just stick the whole thing in the freezer.” Eric said.

“Alright.” Alan told him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Eric stared out the window of the doors leading to the balcony and allowed himself to think back to the first time he met Alan. He’d just graduated out of the academy and was struggling with how to handle collections, so Eric took him in and taught him how. Up until he met Alan, Eric sported a side shave hairstyle and maintained it pretty frequently, after that it grew out and Alan took to braiding it. Lo and behold, Eric adapted to the cornrows and hadn’t changed it since.

He snapped out of his thoughts when Alan sat down next to him, humming some. Eric leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, a smile on his face. He carefully pulled Alan into his lap, making the other laugh as he did so. Alan adjusted himself as he situated so he sat without putting too much of his weight on Eric’s knee.

“I hope you know that no matter what happens, I love you more than you know.” Eric told him.

“I know.” Alan said, setting a hand on Eric’s cheek and rubbing his thumb over it. “Can we just not think about...that for a day or two?” He asked. “Just focus on us and forget the world.” He added, setting his other hand on Eric’s face and leaning down for a kiss.

Eric hummed a bit as he kissed back, pulling away after a few moments. If Alan wanted to do nothing more than forget the world, then Eric would make sure his mind was focused on just them. He coaxed Alan out of his lap and stood up, swept him up, and made his way back to the bedroom.

“Forget the world you say?” He asked, stepping into the bedroom. “Allow me to assist you in doing so.” He added, kicking the door closed behind them to shut the world out.

Eric shifted some, stretching out the next morning. He was suddenly aware of Alan’s weight draped over him and he smiled some as he remembered the night before. He kept still, allowing Alan to remain asleep. He ran a hand down Alan’s back, humming to himself at the feeling of how soft Alan’s skin was. It was a different feeling compared to his, given the scars left on his from years of abuse during his human life. He sighed a bit and closed his eyes, doing his best to keep his mind clear and off his other life.

Try as he might Eric’s mind still went to the part of his life he tried to avoid thinking about. He still remembered the feeling of the whip against his back every time he misbehaved and the sound of Eric Slingby Sr. yelling at him when he started crying in pain. Eric never mentioned to anyone that he’d been named after his father, though he was almost sure that there was a reaper in the dispatch that knew more about him than he let others onto know.

Eric snapped out of his memories when Alan shifted and settled down, sighing softly as he buried his face in Eric’s neck. Alan was a late sleeper when they had a day off and Eric was the only one who knew that, especially since Alan had sworn him to secrecy. He slowly began to doze back off, sighing as he did so. He quickly became caught in his memories again, the dream he was having quickly turning into a nightmare.

_ He’d been standing in the middle of the living room, his siblings huddled behind him in fear as he stared his father down. Eric had stepped between them when his father slapped his oldest sister for coming in just a minute after the sun went down. Eric knew what was coming later, but he couldn’t stand to see his siblings get hurt. Turning to them, he gestured for them to get out of the room. They quickly scrambled out of the room, his eldest sister holding onto their younger brother as they did so. _

_ “You dare defy me, junior?” Came the snarl out of his father’s mouth. “She deserved it and you know that.” _

_ “She was in the barn doing the work you forced her to do, you’re the one that sent her out there and told her not to come back until she was done. Or are you too plastered to remember, old man?” Eric snarled back. _

_ “Cut your attitude, boy.” His father told him, the whip already in hand. _

_ “I’m just reminding you that you’re the one that sent her out there, you drunk bastard.” Eric said. _

_ He barely had time to react before he felt the whip connect with his back, Eric bit down on his tongue to keep from screaming out and scaring his younger siblings. Though he was sure that the sound of the whip connecting with his back was enough to do it. He shakes his head and recollects himself, letting out a shaky breath. _

_ “Hands on the wall,” His father says. “Eric Michael, I said. HANDS ON THE WALL.” _

_ Eric knew better than to keep his shirt on once that command was given, so once he dropped his shirt to the floor, Eric sat his hands on the wall and braced himself. After what felt like hours, Eric finally felt the whipping stop. His back was tore up and felt like it was on fire, moving slowly he stood up and turned around. He was met with the sight of his father charging at him with a knife. _

Jolting awake with a cry of something similar to pain, Eric’s chest heaved a bit as the world came back into focus. He blinked a bit when Alan’s face came into view, a worried expression on his face. Eric sighed and assured him he was okay, running a hand down his face. He hated when he had nightmares, but he couldn’t really stop them at this point. Sighing as he climbed out of bed, Eric glanced to his bedside table in consideration for a moment before he turned away and went to splash his face.

Eric stared at himself in the mirror, suddenly startles by the reflection of his father staring back at him. He punched and shattered the mirror, causing Alan, who had just finished pulling on his pajamas, to rush in with wide eyes.

“Eric?” He asked, looking between the shattered glass and Eric’s hand.

“I hallucinated and panicked.” Eric said, eyes watering as his chest tightened.

‘ _ Not now, please _ ’ He thought, using his good hand to grip his chest.

He barely heard Alan’s panicked voice as he collapsed, gasping for air. A panic attack flared up just as the Thorns decided to attack. Alan helped him sit up, rubbing his back as Eric gagged some. Once he was sure he wasn’t going to puke, Eric got up off the ground and helped Alan clean up any broken glass.

“We’ll have to fix the mirror, but that won’t be too expensive.” Alan said.

Eric nodded some and carefully picked up the bag that held the glass. He felt bad he’d even shattered it in the first place. Slipping on his shoes, Eric carried the bag out to the dumpster and tossed it. He walked back inside and made his way to the bedroom. He hugged Alan tightly and held him close. Alan, shocked by the action at first, hugged back and rubbed Eric’s back as he broke down.

“Eric, you are not your father. You will never be him.” Alan told him.

“I’m scared, Alan.” Eric said, burying his face. “I’m so goddamn scared…”


	12. Hide and Leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got a little suggestive. i'm so sorry fjdsalk;  
> i'm also sorry you had to wait a month for it.

A few days after the hallucination incident, Eric was back to functioning like normal. He whistled a bit as he walked down the hallway, waving to a few of the reapers fresh out of training. Eric was on a string of good days, his mental health being better than it had been in a while. The Thorns hadn’t affected him in a while, but he knew better than to let his guard completely down since they could sneak up and affect him at any moment. It seemed to be a bit of a slower day around the dispatch so all of the reapers in collections seemed to be bored out of their minds. 

Stepping into Alan’s office, he went over and placed a kiss to the other’s forehead. 

“You look annoyed.” Eric said, crossing his arms.

“I’m annoyed because I’m restless and bored.” Alan admitted. “I wanna go home, but it’s only 10 am.” He sighed.

“I know, it’s so slow it’s annoying.” Eric said. “But I have an idea to make it pass faster.” He added.

“Oh?” Alan asked, standing up.

It didn’t take long for the whole London dispatch to get caught up in a office wide game of hide and seek. Eric, who had started the whole ordeal, was currently hiding in a supply closet with Alan. When the game started, Eric took Alan’s hand and ran off slipping into the first hiding spot he could think of. He pressed a finger to his lips when he heard movement outside the door, keeping an arm around Alan to keep him close and out of anyone’s line of sight if they opened the door. He relaxed when it stopped, letting out a breath and looking down at Alan.

In the dark, his chartreuse eyes seemed to glow brighter than usual. The sight made Eric’s heart speed up a bit. He knew it was a characteristic that every reaper held, but he couldn’t help but see the hazel undertone in Alan’s eyes. It was a beautiful undertone in Eric’s opinion, even if Alan refused to believe him on the matter. Eric’s own eyes had a brown undertone to them, as Alan had told him once when they were relaxing. He hated them, but Alan loved them and he figured as long as he knew that information then he could live with it.

Eric leaned down and pressed their lips together, humming softly when he felt Alan return it. To Eric, his lips tasted like french vanilla the flavor left over from the coffee he’d drank that morning. He loved it, since it gave him a reason to allow the kiss to last longer than usual. He wrapped his other arm around Alan and drew him in closer, smiling some when Alan wrapped his arms around his neck. Reluctantly, he pulled away to catch his breath and set his forehead on Alan’s. They remained silent, continuing to hear all the other reapers running around to get away from whoever was the seeker. Hearing all the noise, Alan couldn’t help but laugh some.

“You’ve started something no one is going to want to finish, you realize that?” He asked softly.

“So worth it, if it means we can stay hidden and make out like teenagers.” Eric laughed some, leaning back down to kiss Alan again.

“I’m starting to think you started this just so we can do that.” Alan laughed, humming as he kissed back.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.” He said, grinning some.

“Alright, Alright. Just shut up and kiss me.” Alan told him.

“You got it, babe.” Eric responded, humming as he pressed their lips together once more.

Alan wrapped his arms around Eric’s neck once more and pressed himself as close as he could manage, head tilted some. Eric hummed a bit and wrapped his arms around the other, settling his hands on the other’s hips. He pulled away after a moment to catch his breath, staring down at Alan again.

“Keep pressing against me like that and that teenage libido might just kick into overdrive.” He teased.

“Maybe that’s been the plan.” Alan said, wrapping Eric’s tie around his hand and pulling him down again to kiss him. 

Eric gave a noise in surprise and kissed back a moment before he pulled back. “Well, if that’s the plan. You should wait til we get home where we won’t get in trouble.” He said. 

“Then let’s get out of here.” Alan said.

Not wanting to kill the mood by mentioning they still had a bit in their workday, Eric only nodded and stepped out with Alan. They slipped out of the building and made their way back to their shared apartment. Once they were inside, Eric and Alan wasted no time in making their way back to the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes as they went.

If Alan wanted Eric’s teenage libido, then that’s what he’d get.


	13. What the future will bring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry, writers block is a bitch  
> enjoy

Dozing in and out while holding Alan close, Eric yawned some and rubbed Alan’s back gently. He knew they were going to get in trouble for missing work, but he didn’t really care. He looked down to Alan, who was snoring softly on his shoulder. He couldn’t help but smile sadly, thinking about what the future held for him. He’d done his best to keep from thinking about what the future held for the man sleeping on his shoulder, but found himself unable to ignore the constantly nagging thoughts. He turned and stared back at the ceiling, willing the thoughts out of his mind. He couldn’t really afford to be dwelling on the future, especially since he wanted to be living in the moment. 

Carefully pulling his arm free, Eric got out of bed, pulled on his boxers, and went to splash his face in the bathroom. He looked at himself in their brand new mirror and stared for a long moment. He ran his hands over his face and sighed when he realized how exhausted he looked. He supposed that’s just how it was from now on, looking worse and constantly exhausted despite not really feeling it. He jumped some when he felt Alan hug him from behind, pressing a kiss to one of the many scars that still littered the other’s back.    
  
“Mm, sorry.” Alan said. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” He added. 

Eric shook his head and turned to hug the other, wrapping his arms around the other as he remained silent. He pressed a kiss to Alan’s forehead after a moment, sighing softly. Alan knew that Eric’s thoughts were swirling and he was afraid if he spoke he’d start crying. It was something he’d learned to pick up on over the years they were together. Reaching up, Alan set his hands on Eric’s face and rubbed a thumb over his cheek. They both stood in silence, Alan wiping a tear when it rolled down Eric’s cheek. Alan didn’t need to hear him speak to know that the future was bothering Eric so much. He leaned up and pressed kisses to Eric’s face gently, still rubbing his thumb over the others cheek.    
  
“Listen to me, Eric.” Alan said, doing his best to keep from crying as well. “I know that the future is bothering you and I know you don’t want to leave me behind wondering why it had to be you instead of me, but you need to focus on the present. Take everyday in stride and make the most of it. Love with no regrets and live your life to the fullest.” He added, tears on his own cheeks. “Because when you do leave me, I’m going to do my damnedest to make sure I live everyday to the fullest and make you proud of me.” He told him, a sob leaving him. “So leave me to worry about how to get through the future and live in the moment.” He choked out.    
  
As soon as he saw Alan start to sob, Eric pulled him in close and hugged him tightly. “I know I shouldn’t worry about it, but I just think about how you’re going to wake up alone and have to function and I just...I don’t want that for you.” He told him, sobbing some. “I want to spend forever with you, I want to wake up with you every morning, I want to fight about the dishes not being done and then laugh about it later when we make up. I don’t want to leave you alone.” Eric added, sobbing.    
  
“I know you don’t. I don’t want you to either.” He said. “Eric, we have to face that it’s going to happen.” He added.    
  
Eric couldn’t help but sob again, shaking his head. “I can’t face that reality.” He said. “I can’t do it, Alan.” He added, coughing some.   
  
“Eric, you need to calm down before you end up breathless and in the middle of an attack.” Alan said. “Look, we can ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist, and just...lay in bed and ignore the world.” He added. “Okay?” He asked.    
  
Eric only responded by nodding and moving back into the bedroom and sitting on his side of the bed. He felt the exhaustion in his limbs and wanted nothing more than to sleep. He settled down on his side of the bed and began to doze off, falling asleep not even caring that Alan wasn’t in his arms.    
  
Once he was sure Eric was asleep, Alan shut the bathroom door behind him and slid down it, setting his head in his hands. He covered his mouth when he began to sob again, tears falling onto the tile below him. He’d been so focused on helping Eric stay emotionally stable that he hadn’t really ever had time to dwell on the situation at hand. He didn’t want to end up alone, he hated it. No one else understood him the way Eric did and he  _ knew _ no one else ever would.    
  
“Why did it have to be him?” He sobbed. “Why couldn’t you have cursed it on another reaper?” He hissed. “Eric doesn’t deserve this.” He added. “You stupid nonexistent asshole.” He spat.   
  
Falling silent after that, Alan remained on the bathroom floor for a few moments before he stood up and exited, crawling into bed next to Eric, weaseling his way into the other males arms, settling down, and going back to sleep. Sleep sounded better than focusing on the future anyway.


	14. Thinking about the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip sorry for being so late with this. writers block sucks.

Stretching out as he woke again, Alan was surprised to see it was almost 2 am and to find Eric out of bed. He climbed out of bed and wrapped himself in his robe before he made his way to the living room, looking for Eric and frowning when he didn’t see the other. He finally spotted Eric, dressed in pajama pants and a robe, out on the balcony with a steaming mug of tea next to him. He made his way into the kitchen and poured himself one before he joined the other outside.    


“Hey, it’s late. You okay?” He asked, placing his mug down next to Eric’s.

“I guess.” He said, sighing some. “I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep and I didn’t want to wake you so I just decided to make some tea and stand out here for a bit.” He added, picking up his mug and taking a drink. “Enjoy the silence of the realm, even for a bit.” He sighed. 

Alan hummed and took a drink of his tea, looking out over their realm. Alan was familiar with the scene. He’d come to know it well as a reaper in training, after spending most nights unable to sleep and wondering if he’d become like the rest of his kind; emotionless and numb on collections. He still wasn’t as emotionless and numb as the rest of his kind, but he managed to get by enough to do his job quickly and efficiently. 

He couldn’t help but allow his thoughts to drift to Eric. He knew the other had essentially become numb to the job since graduating, given by the way he used to live. The other had changed just a little bit since they got together, enough that there was emotion in his everyday life but on the job it was a different story. Eric was a totally different person on the job, he kept a straight face and looked bored as he looked over the cinematic record. Alan wondered what happened and how Eric had come to be infected with the Thorns. 

Sighing some and taking a drink of his own tea, Alan stood up straight and looked at Eric. The other male was staring out over the city, clearly lost in his thoughts and dazed. His eyes examined the features on the others face and he couldn’t help but frown some. Eric’s face had sunken in some, not enough to be noticable from a distance, but up close you could tell that there was something wrong with him. It killed Alan to think about it all, if he had to be honest. The future used to be so bright, but now it was like a candle dwindling as the wax began to run out, how long the candle had left no one knew. On one hand he was thankful that no one really knew how long Eric had left, but on the other hand he was terrified that no one knew. Eric could drop dead at any moment and Alan wouldn’t really know unless he was around to see it. 

He’s snapped from his thoughts by Eric’s voice calling his name and it takes him a second to realize he’s crying. He wipes his face with his sleeve and sniffles some as Eric takes him into a hug and holds him tightly. He feels silly being so upset over something over that wasn’t even affecting him, but he knows it’s within his rights to be upset especially since it’s his boyfriend that’s sick and he could lose at any moment. Slowly, Alan wraps his arms around Eric. He wants to linger in the feeling of the moment and just listen to Eric’s heart beating, to feel the others chest rise and fall, to take in the warmth and smell that familiar scent that lingers on him. He wants all of this because he knows that there will be a time that he becomes upset and he won’t be able to turn to Eric to calm down. 

He leans into Eric’s hand when he runs it through his hair, closing his eyes. The feeling is comforting and very much welcomed. They linger for a few long moments before he looks up to Eric. Eric meets his gaze and they stand this way for a few moments, taking each other in. Alan reaches up and sets a hand on Eric’s face, running his thumb over the others cheek. He drops his hand and buries his face in Eric’s chest, closing his eyes and willing himself not to cry again. 

He must have fallen asleep because when he opens his eyes again, he’s under the covers on their bed and the sunshine is flowing in. He remains where he’s laying, wondering what excuse Eric gave for them not showing up for work. He hauls himself up after a few moments and gets up, deciding to get ready for work anyway. 

“Better to be late than never show up.” He muttered to himself as he began to get ready. 

He just hoped the distraction of work was going to be enough to keep him from having a total breakdown.


	15. Alan breaks

Alan was silent as he walked into the office, waving to and smiling at a few reapers in the hallway as he passed. He picked up the to die list on his desk and looked over it. He’d already missed a few collections, judging by the stamp of completion that had appeared on the first few pages. He glanced at the clock and grabbed his scythe, heading out to the next one on his list. The time alone wasn’t going to be great, since that would allow him to be alone with his thoughts. Though he supposed if he worked quickly, he wouldn’t have to be alone long. 

Sighing as he looked out over London, Alan wondered what his family from his human life was up to now. He’d never seen anyone’s name on his or Eric’s to die list, but he knew they probably wouldn’t end up on his list, especially since it would be too much of a personal issue and for all he knew they could have already been collected by the other reapers. He sighed and glanced at his watch, beginning to run across the rooftops when he saw he had just a few minutes before his next collection.

Jumping through an open window into the apartment, Alan made his way back to the child’s bedroom and stood in wait. He gripped the handle of his scythe as he watched, finally the clock struck and Alan stepped forward. With one quick swing of his scythe, Alan began to review the record that began to swirl around him and replay the child’s life. He couldn’t help but feel for the child, only getting to live 5 years. With one last swing of his scythe, the child passed and the only sound that filled the room was his parents sobbing. Alan stood at the child’s bedside for a long moment, remembering when it was him in the same position as this child. He’d been lucky though, able to live to the ripe old age of 24 before he caved and took his own life. 

After what felt like an eternity, Alan finally turned and left the child’s room. He checked his watch and took off for his next collection, as he walked his thoughts drifted to Eric briefly. He wondered if the other had followed suit and went to work despite their rough night. Coming upon the scene of where his next collection would be, Alan waited patiently. He was startled by the sound of the gunshot, but recomposed himself and completed his work quickly. 

Returning to the office after completing all his collections, Alan sat down at his desk and began to work on paperwork. He knew there was some serious overtime coming, but he knew that it was unavoidable, especially since he’d ended up coming in late. He picked up the pen off his desk and began to work, allowing himself to zone out as he worked. He blinked a bit when he realized a tear had fallen onto the paperwork on his desk. 

“Damn.” He said, sitting up and wiping his eyes. 

Standing up, he opened the door to his office and stumbled back some when he ran into Eric. He was thankful for Eric catching him, especially since he was sure that he was going to end up on the floor of his office. Once he was steady on his feet, Alan looked up at the other reaper and was silent for a few moments. He frowned when he saw how exhausted Eric looked, wishing he could do something,  _ anything  _ to make sure the other got enough sleep. 

“You alright, Al?” Eric asked. 

He nodded, wiping his eyes again. “Just had to collect a child’s soul today.” He said. “I’ve never been the best about keeping my emotions in check when doing the paperwork following them.” He added. 

Eric frowned some and pressed a kiss to his forehead, wrapping his arms around the other. Alan wrapped his arms around Eric and placed his head on the others chest, silent for a long moment. He did his best to keep the tears back, only to lose miserably when they started to flow and he couldn’t stop them. He let out an audible sob and clung to Eric tighter, desperately wishing that a simple action like hugging Eric tighter would vanquish the Thorns and make the other male healthy again. 

“Why did it have to be you, Eric?” Alan sobbed. “Why couldn’t it have been me instead?” He added.


	16. We'll be fine

Eric hugged Alan as he cried, unable to answer the other’s questions. It wasn’t that he was avoiding the question, he just didn’t know how to answer it. How was he supposed to tell him that he’d stepped too close to a soul and let his guard down? He couldn’t let Alan know that he’d made a mistake that he’d drilled into Alan’s head not to make as his mentor. He looked down at Alan a few moments later to find the other male had finally stopped crying. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped back, wiping any remaining tears off the other’s face. Eric hugged Alan as he cried, unable to answer the other’s questions. It wasn’t that he was avoiding the question, he just didn’t know  _ how  _ to answer it. How was he supposed to tell him that he stepped too close to a soul and let his guard down? He couldn’t let Alan know that he’d made the same mistake that he’d drilled into Alan’s head not to make as his mentor. He looked down at Alan a few moments later to find that the other male had finally stopped crying. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped back, wiping any remaining tears off the other’s face.

“Why don’t we just go home, have some dinner and enjoy the evening?” Eric asked. “Forget about what’s happening right now.” He said.

Alan nodded some. “Let me just grab my stuff.” He said, deciding to leave his paperwork for the next day. 

Eric nodded and waited patiently, humming softly. He offered his hand to Alan and smiled some in an effort to make Alan smile. It seemed to work, since Alan smiled back at him. Opening the door to their shared apartment, Eric and Alan both shuffled inside and kicked off their shoes. Alan made his way and sat down on the couch, placing his head in his hands. He felt Eric’s eyes on him but didn’t have the energy to look up at him. He leaned against Eric when he took him into his arms, sniffling some. 

“Alan please don’t beat yourself up over my mistake.” Eric told him softly. “Okay, you have so many better things to worry about.” He added.    
  
“You’re part of those things.” Alan told him, sniffling. “It sucks when the man you can see yourself spending forever with gets the one disease that can kill a grim reaper.”

“I know it sucks, but we’re coping and we’re living.” Eric told him, rubbing his back. 

“What happens when you don’t get to live? How am I supposed to cope when I can’t turn to you for comfort?” Alan sobbed. 

“You find someone that can be there for you, okay? We have an amazing circle of friends. They’re going to be right here to comfort you no matter what.” Eric told him. “Don’t forget about them.” He added.  

“They’ll be there, but they don’t understand me the way you do.” He said.

“Teach them to understand you.” Eric said. “Help them learn what they need to do and when.” He added. 

Alan only nodded some, continuing to cling to Eric. He sat up after a few moments, wiping his eyes. He glanced and the clock and stood up, going into the kitchen. He pulled out everything he’d need to make dinner, keeping his focus on what he was doing as much as he could. After dinner, Alan stood in the kitchen cleaning up his mess. Eric had been worn out from the work day and gone to bed early, which made Alan worry about him more than usual.

Peeking into the bedroom where he heard Eric snoring softly, Alan stepped inside quietly to change into his pajamas and crawled into bed next to Eric. He leaned and pressed a kiss to Eric’s temple when the other male stirred, assuring him it was okay and to go back to sleep. Alan sighed, finding himself unable to fall asleep. He stared at the ceiling in their dark bedroom, his mind racing as he thought about Eric. He raised his hands and covered his face, willing himself not to cry. He didn’t want to wake up his already exhausted boyfriend and exhaust him that much more. He rolled and put his back to Eric, curling up in a ball and closing his eyes as he began to cry. He buried his face in the blanket as he sobbed, doing his best to keep from waking Eric. He jumped some when Eric pulled him close and hugged him, but didn’t make a move to pull away. 

“Go to sleep, I’m fine.” Alan said, wiping his eyes. 

“You’re not fine when you’re sobbing into the blanket.” Eric said, yawning. 

“Still, you’re exhausted. Get some rest.” He added. 

Eric sighed and rolled to turn on the light and sat up. He pulled Alan into his lap, tucking the other’s head under his chin. Alan instantly relaxed, comforted by the mixed scents of sandalwood and cinnamon that came off Eric. He rubbed Alan’s back some and pressed a kiss to the other’s temple, humming softly at the scent of lavender that came off the other. It didn’t take long for Alan to doze off, sighing some. 

“We are going to be fine, Alan. I promise.” He told him softly, still rubbing his back. 

Alan sighed softly and crawled back to his side of the bed, yawning as he fell asleep. Eric ran a hand down his face and turned the light off, settling down to go back to sleep. Now all he had to do is convince himself that what he said to Alan was true.

**Author's Note:**

> someone said 'eric gets the thorns au' so *shrug emoji*


End file.
